Is Patience Enough? Ep175

ep175-is-patience-enough

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[00:00:00] chrissy neumyer smith: Episode 1 75 of the show is patience enough? Are you really patient with the dogs, gentle, loving, and patient, and still aren't seeing results? There are a couple of mistakes, classic mistakes that you could be making, so find out more this week. This is the Creating Great Grooming Dog Show. I'm Christy Nemeyer Smith.

[00:00:21] I'm a master groomer behavior specialist, a certified professional groomer, a certified behavior consultant for canines, an instructor at Whole Pet Grooming Academy, and the owner of Happy Critters in Nashua, New Hampshire. And this by Friends and colleagues is the podcast and show work grooming and training meet.

[00:00:43] Patients alone can be really helpful. And I don't wanna downplay how it's really important for us to be patient with the dogs, but let's talk a little bit more about that because I think that people misuse patients, like patients alone is not going to take care of the problems that we often see. The problem that dogs have with grooming is that they find it unpleasant.

[00:01:06] Uncomfortable and or scary. And there are a lot of things that we can look at. Now. Being patient can help them feel more secure with you, but it might not affect anything else. So let's break it down into the who, what, where, when, why. Oh, see, now we're thinking about it. Yeah. Right. Who, what, where, when, why, how is this going to affect the dogs?

[00:01:29] So being patient. Being patient alone is the who. Okay, so if a dog is worried about us. As individuals, handling them, being patient, being gentle, being loving can really help with that because they need to feel more secure with you and they need to trust you. And I certainly encourage people being patient.

[00:01:50] In fact, I'm gonna reference here, um, if you go back to episode 63. It's all about patience. So every once in a while, I should just reference an old episode. So if you think about being patient is an important part of helping a dog feel like they can trust you, but that's the who, what about the what, who, what, where, when, why?

[00:02:12] What about the, what is being patient going to make a dog feel like the dryer isn't scary? Is being patient going to make them feel like brushing this mat isn't, isn't uncomfortable. I want you to think about the what. There are a lot of things that dogs can find uncomfortable, unpleasant, or scary about grooming, and if we are helping them.

[00:02:35] Overcome that if we're helping them to learn about it, not just be forced on them. So the what is really important, we need to think about, are we helping this dog understand that this tool isn't scary, that this tool won't hurt them. And really think about it because what I keep seeing over and over and over again, and I know I have fallen into this, I, I raise my hand as someone who has done this.

[00:03:03] Maybe you have done this also, but I see it an awful lot groomers who are patiently and lovingly traumatizing dogs. And what I mean by that is they're patient and they're loving, but this dog is like alligator rolling and struggling and they're like, oh sweetie, come on. It's okay. This wasn't gonna hurt you.

[00:03:23] While they continue to clip, while they continue to do the very thing that that dog finds really scary and they're patient and they're loving, and I feel for you guys, I have been there. Okay. I just want you to restructure this whole idea of patience and loving as part of the whole picture, but only apart.

[00:03:43] It's not the entire picture. So I'm gonna give you a human example. If you are afraid of, um, let's say you're afraid of snakes and I come over and I drape a snake over your neck and I'm like loving, impatient about it. Like, Hey, everything's okay. Here comes the snake. And you're like, oh my god, snakes really scare me.

[00:04:02] And I'm like, yeah, but this is what we're doing right now. So. Here you go. Right. It's not going to change your feeling about the snake. We have to change the feeling about the snake too, also. Right? That's the what in this case. The what is the, I'm afraid of snakes. I know someone out there right now is saying, please stop saying that word.

[00:04:22] So we'll switch it. We'll switch it too. Scary thing. Okay, so I drape a scary thing around your neck and I'm gently. And pleasant and talking to you about it, but if I haven't worked on why that thing is so scary to you, then it's really not gonna make a difference. That's an example of lovingly. And gently and patiently traumatizing somebody.

[00:04:47] Okay? If we don't address the fear and why they're afraid of it, there are steps for that. And I want you to think about how we can help an animal be calm, comfortable, and cooperative. And in this case, the what would be comfortable? Are they comfortable with what we're trying to do? And probably not. If they're not being calm and they're not being cooperative, they probably are not comfortable either.

[00:05:11] Patients will only get us so far. So that's the who in the what. What about the where, what if part of this dog's problem is just that they're afraid of being up on a table, or they're afraid of being in a crate, or they're afraid of being in a tub? Patience and loving is not going to solve that. It's part of how we solve that.

[00:05:32] It's the approach we should always be taking, but we have to go beyond just being patient. We have to think about like, okay, how can I help you feel better about this tub without necessarily just dropping you in the tub? So I'm gonna use another example as the the wear. Okay. Let's say that you're really kind of afraid of swimming, and I'm like, I'm gonna push you in the pool now, but it's for your own good.

[00:05:56] It's okay. You are fine. And I just drop you in the deep side of the pool and you are terrified of pools. But now I just keep bringing you over to the pool. Every time we see each other, I'm like, time to jump in the pool. And I shove you in the pool gently and lovingly, and I'm not gonna let you drown.

[00:06:14] Everything's gonna be fine. All our friendship is going to erode. You're gonna say, Chris, I do not wanna hang out with you. Let's do a cookout someplace with no pools. Okay? That's the where, that's an example of where, right? If a dog is afraid of being in a grooming setting, if a dog is afraid of being in, um, a particular type of run or a particular type of crate, okay?

[00:06:37] Gently, patiently, lovingly is not going to change that. We actually need to work on the behavior problem. Why? Why, why is this dog afraid of this, this particular tool, this particular wear? Okay. Um, when, huh? When is a tricky one. Okay. Let's talk about when, when can be, how long we have been doing something.

[00:07:03] All right. The, the duration. It can be that, you know, morning is when this dog usually goes for a walk and hasn't had any exercise yet, and maybe they just cannot even handle what we're doing. Um, maybe it's how long they have been working on this dog and they just can't handle any more brushing or drying or anything.

[00:07:25] Um, as an example, a grooming example. I find for a lot of my behavior cases, I like to get the head done earlier because the trouble spots, I can keep circling back and circling back and circling back. Okay. If that's their scary spot, I can do just a little bit and circle back and circle back and circle back.

[00:07:45] But if we leave it to last. That is the end of an endurance run, and this dog is like, I swear to God, if this doesn't end soon, I'm going to lose my mind. Okay. Have you ever felt that? Let's think about it. Okay? Have you ever felt that how long something is going on, like being stuck in traffic for five minutes is different than being stuck in traffic for 45 minutes and this dog has been stuck in traffic for 45 minutes and is thinking, I swear to God, she's gotta be finished soon.

[00:08:16] She's gotta be finished soon. I realize that is very anthropomorphic, but I want you to kind of see it. Okay. Being patient with them is helpful, but that is not going to help build endurance. It's not gonna help them understand how long things take and be comfortable with the how long to be comfortable with how much, how long, all the things that we need to do in this big long process.

[00:08:43] So that would be the when. What about why? You know, the who, what, where, when, why, why? Why is this dog behaving the way that they are? Is it because they're afraid? Is it because they're sore? Is it because they need to go out? Is it because they have not been exposed to any of this? Is it simply because they have not been taught anything yet?

[00:09:07] Being patient is not going to solve those. It's a component to solving those, but it's not gonna solve all your problems. Okay? Um, and I think that often we think that patience will be enough. Oh, patience alone, it's gonna be great. Patience is important. I want you to always be patient with the dogs patient.

[00:09:29] Gentle, but that does not mean that that's all we're doing. Okay? If being patient alone worked, we wouldn't have dog training. You guys know dog training's a profession, right? If being patient worked, there wouldn't be dog trainers. If owners were just like, oh, he barks sometimes, but we're just gonna be really patient when he barks at the mailman.

[00:09:50] You know? You have to go back in and figure out why. And then figure out how, how am I going to overcome the behavior? Am I going to teach something new? Am I going to help them feel more comfortable with it? What do I need to do to help with this behavior? If you're enjoying the podcast, please remember to subscribe or follow.

[00:10:10] Tell all your friends, and if you wanna support the show in the show notes, there is a link to buy me a cup of coffee, and that would be fun if you wanna help support the show. So since we're talking about patience, patiently, gently, lovingly, traumatizing dogs is, like I said, something I see pretty often and I'm not being judgy about that.

[00:10:31] That just happens to be something that I see. I see it a lot. So we need to think about why the dog is behaving that way, the who, what, where, when, why, and patiently and lovingly and gently help this dog get past it. Okay. That's what dog training's about helping them get past it. Why does this dog feel this way?

[00:10:54] Why? Okay, so when we talk about calm, comfortable, and cooperative, that is our goal. Now, I want you to recall, we went back and I used it as a memory game, a couple episodes back, but when we're looking at calm, comfortable, and cooperative, there is a way to apply that to what we're doing. That's groom smart.

[00:11:15] Now, if we're being patient and gentle and loving, okay, we can easily apply. Groom smart. So what that is, is, uh, you wanna start with the essence, smart. Start with calm, start with comfortable, start with cooperative. And many of us as groomers are saying, oh my God, the dog does not come in that way. But that's where we have to start.

[00:11:39] So if from the very beginning you are fighting and wrestling with this dog, you are causing more problems than you're solving. So if we can think back to, alright, let's calm this dog down. He's coming in already, having a bad day, having a tough time already overwhelmed. Our job is to help them calm down.

[00:12:01] Start with calm as best you can. Start with comfortable, start with cooperative, start there. Okay. And that's where your patience is really gonna pay off, because it is really kind of tricky for us to be like, oh my God. So before I even drop 'em in the tub, I'm supposed to help them calm down. Yep. Before I start brushing him, before I even get started grooming, I'm supposed to help 'em calm down.

[00:12:25] Yeah. Yeah, because I can't tell you how often I see groomers, um, and owners working with a dog who's really having a hard time, who's struggling, and they don't stop as an, as an owner or a groomer or a handler. The human side doesn't stop until they have trouble getting the job done. The dog has been having trouble for quite some time and patiently and lovingly pushing a dog through things that they think are scary.

[00:12:53] Or overwhelming is not going to help. So what we need to do is help them be calm so that we can reintroduce things and help them understand that this is safe. Okay, calm, comfortable, and cooperative. We start there. That's the S in smart. And then the M in SMART is we try to maintain calm, comfortable, and cooperative as long as we can.

[00:13:15] And that of course takes patience. It's not that patience is a bad thing, it's just that it doesn't talk about everything that dog training needs to talk about. Okay, these dogs are having a problem, not just because you. It's because the equipment we use, the places that we're in, okay? So if we can maintain calm, then we can be actively, physically trying to make sure that this dog is having a better experience and we're planting the seeds for future groomings.

[00:13:46] How cool is that? Right? The better experience this dog has today can last an entire lifetime. We need to let go of this idea of getting a haircut done, at least for a little while. If we have a behavior case, we can let go of that for a little while and work on the behavior. The behavior is really important, and we're gonna be grooming this dog for 15 years.

[00:14:09] So if anybody out there, and I'm gonna get a little off topic, but if anybody out there is like, oh my God, this is gonna take so long, this is ridiculous. Just force him through it. He'll eventually figure it out. It's okay. Forcing him through it is the scary thing that happens. That causes so many more behavior problems than it will ever solve, and maybe that seems like the shortcut, or it seems like the easy way out.

[00:14:34] But from a trainer's point of view, from a dog training point of view, to me it is a colossal waste of your time to continuously battle a dog. Grooming after grooming after grooming, year after year. 15 years of battling a dog for regular grooming is insane to me. It makes no sense, and I know for a lot of groomers, that was their aha moment, like, oh, right.

[00:15:00] If I'm not making progress, I'm just continuing the same problem over and over and over again. Okay. Um, a grooming example could be like, oh no, we're outta shampoo again. How did that happen? Like as groomers we're all thinking like, oh my god, really? You don't have any systems in place to, you know. Be watching for when you're low on shampoo and you need to reorder, like, like really?

[00:15:24] That's a surprise to you. My trainer brain says, okay, you're still fighting with this dog. It's a surprise to you that this is gonna continue year after year after year. Okay, we need to focus in on the behavior, think about being patient, but also start. Calm, comfortable, and cooperative. Maintain, calm, comfortable, and cooperative.

[00:15:45] Now, the A in SMART is act calm, comfortable, and cooperative. Okay? We need to be calm. If you want people around you to be calm, you have to be calm. If you want animals around you, to have to be, to be calm, you have to be calm. This is part of what we have to do. Let's just calm down together. Let's calm and patience is an important part of that.

[00:16:10] Okay? This is one of the places where patience works. We're we're acting calm, okay? We are acting comfortable. Okay. What I mean by that is if we think that everything is really uncomfortable, right? Then we're all like, oh my God, I hate this. That's not real helpful. If you're trying to teach an animal that this is safe and they can trust you, right?

[00:16:34] Think about what kind of message you're sending when you're like, oh my God, I hate this. And then cooperative notice I say, calm, comfortable, and cooperative. Not calm, comfortable, and obedient. Right cooperative is if this dog indicates that something makes them nervous or they're uncomfortable, I pause for a moment to figure out why I don't just continue.

[00:16:55] I don't just clamp down harder. If a dog wiggles their foot, I don't assume that they're trying to wiggle away. My first assumption is, are you uncomfortable? Do you need to, do you need to hold it differently? Do you need to get your balance and dogs calm right down for it pretty often. So acting calm.

[00:17:14] Acting comfortable. Acting cooperative. Right? Being cooperative takes both of us, takes the dog and us to work together. Cooperative. It's not spot versus Chrissy. It's spot and Chrissy, for the win, right? So we went through, start with calm, maintain calm, act calm. Now we're going to go into return to calm.

[00:17:39] There are times where a dog will start getting nervous. Or they may start getting upset, they may start having a problem, and if they do, when they do take a moment to return them to calm, comfortable, and cooperative, help them regain that. Help them understand that, okay, let's calm you down again. Let's figure out why.

[00:18:02] And that, of course, takes patience. This is an episode about patience, but we also have to look at why, what happened in that moment when they lost their calm, when the three Cs disappeared for that moment? What happened in that moment? Again, we're back to who, what, where, when? Why did another dog walk in the room?

[00:18:23] Did an owner. Like put their head in the window to take a look. Um, did somebody turn on a loud noise? Did you turn on a dryer? What happened in that moment? Note that that caused a change in behavior, that we now need to return them back to calm and think about, okay, how am I going to address that in the future?

[00:18:44] How am I gonna help this dog be comfortable with it? All right, so that's return to calm the groom smart, and then T is actually teaching calm. Teaching them to calm down. Like, Hey, this is, this is something I want from you. Okay? Teaching them to be calm, teaching them to be comfortable with stuff, not just forcing clippers over their body until they're twisting around so much, or moving around so much that you can't get the clipper down the rest of their leg.

[00:19:14] Okay? There's a reason why that dog is acting that way about a clipper. What if it's discomfort? What if it's the way you're holding their leg? What if it's just that they've never seen a clipper before, ever, and this is terrifying? Okay. Return them to calm and teach them calm, like, okay, let's teach you about this tool.

[00:19:37] Let's teach you to cooperate with us. Let's teach this whole thing. So that's grim smart, and I want you to really think about, there are lots of ways that we can be patient, but we have to address the behavior. We have to teach them how to be good. We have to start with calm, maintain calm, act calm, return to calm, and actively teach calm now.

[00:20:00] I do hear people say it feels like it'll never work. And here's the thing, if you have not tried some of this, I want you to pick one dog to talk to an owner about and talk about it as a safety policy. And if you need a copy of the safety policy that's on creating great grooming dogs.com, there should be one there.

[00:20:21] And if not, I'll make sure there is today. Um, but talk to them about behavior as safety and ask an owner, can I have three? Grooming sessions to work on behavior and let go of the results of the trim and work on the behavior to show us all the dog, the groomer, the owner that working on behavior can change the behavior.

[00:20:46] Okay. Going through and being calm and helping them understand that the tools aren't scary, and helping them understand that this process isn't scary and getting them used to this whole environment. If you ask an owner for three sessions. I generally, I see a dramatic change in three sessions. You're not finished, but an owner is gonna say, wow, okay, I really didn't know that in a couple of sessions we could make that much progress.

[00:21:15] So I ask you if you have not tried it before. Give it a try. Pick, pick one dog and one owner and say, listen, I need to not worry about the trim, not worry about getting the trim done, and I need to try to work on this behavior and give me the chance. Okay. Now, along with that, I will say if you have questions, you can reach out to me, you can ask me questions.

[00:21:41] Um, a lot of the time people will like ask me a question. The Facebook group and the Facebook, um, page don't get used all that often, but go ahead and ask questions there too. But most of the time I find it's because people ask me directly. So I'm happy to answer questions. Now, wrapping up this episode, I'm also gonna say I do private lessons.

[00:22:01] So if somebody is saying out there right now thinking, there are no trainers in my area who do this, guys, we all have these things in our pockets, these phones, and you can just go ahead and make a appointment with me. We can set up a Zoom call and I can help you real time with the dog on your table, okay?

[00:22:24] I am as close as wherever you set up your Zoom call. So I want you to know there is help available out there. Absolutely, I can help you with this, but I think the first couple times we tend to think, oh gosh, is this really gonna work? Is this wasting my time? It's not wasting your time. Time and time again.

[00:22:42] This works. So my takeaway for you guys is that patience is important, but patience isn't the only thing that we have to do. Patience is not the only way that we're going to get this message across to a dog. And I see a lot of groomers patiently and lovingly traumatizing dogs. Okay? If you're being patient and gentle, but still running that high velocity dryer over their head while they scream, okay, that's not going to create the behavior change you're looking for.

[00:23:15] That's not going to teach a dog to be good for it. So those are the big takeaways this week.